A Look Inside
by Tinuviel Undomiel
Summary: Takes place after ch5 of Rise and Fall part 2, how Jan might feel once she sees Kyle and Blaze have gotten VERY friendly. Co written by Nerwen Aldarion


Disclaimer: Lucas owns Star Wars, shanesnest owns The Rise and Fall, we own dreams.

A/N: Tinuviel Undomiel: Well we read the last chapter, shanesnest, and here is a scene we cooked up for you. I'm afraid its not humerous like Blaze Got Run Over By a Speeder, but it gets the point across. So here is how Jan might find out about Blaze the B----.

A/N: Nerwen Aldarion: This isn't silly like the retaliation I'm going to post soon, but this does as Tinuviel says get the point across, as much as it KILLS me, ya hear that shanesnest, this is KILLING ME!

* * *

The corridors of the _New Hope _seemed endless now, due to my injuries. I limped down the hallways, looking for some familiar face. I was deemed to have a full bill of health, and I wanted to find my friends.

Yeah, my friends. Maybe I was wrong about Blaze, she doesn't seem so bad. I just hope she lets me live down the fact that I had to be dragged to the _New Hope_ unconscious.

I could see Kyle near Blaze's quarters. I was about to call out to him, when something made me freeze. Blaze opened the door, and gestured for him with her index finger. He leaned in and gave her this long kiss on the mouth.

I felt like as if I had been blasted by ice. The blood drained form my face and I felt like I was going to swoon. Rage built up inside, hate, betrayal, hurt!

I wanted to knock Blaze's door down with my hands, and drag her by her hair and throw her out the airlock. I wanted to have Kyle by the throat. I wanted….

Hot tears welled up in my eyes. Furiously, I blinked them away. I turned and ran as fast as I could away from the apartments hoping to find some form of comfort.

Images of Kyle and Blaze in a warm embrace, under the sheets, tore through my mind. My heart was stabbed with a sharp pain, like a blaster had found its target.

I wished that the grenade had killed me instead of letting me live. Kyle would be happy then; he could have Blaze out in the open. I hated her! I hated them both!

I took several deep breaths to cool my blood a little, I needed to do something. I could never face them again, ever. They didn't need me. He didn't need me. Oh so any false hopes had been formed on Nar Shadaa. I will never forget the look in his eyes when he was lying their on the Crow's medbay when he called my name. I thought then that he cared, boy was I wrong.

I walked as calmly as I could to Mon Mothma's office. My mind was made up.

The leader of the Rebel Alliance was nearly hidden by a mound of reports, she appeared very busy, but I couldn't wait.

"Mon Mothma?" I called out.

She looked up, quite surprised to see me, "Oh, Jan," She said, "I had heard you had been released, but I'm afraid I didn't have the time to see you myself."

"I really,_ really_ need to talk to you," I replied.

"Please, can this wait some other time," Mon Mothma said, with a sigh, "I have a lot of work to do if you will…."

"Mon Mothma I request to be removed from my partnership with Kyle Katarn," I said that all in one breath.

There was a stunned silence that stretched for several moments. She pushed the reports aside, and folded her hands on her desk.

"This is a serious request," She said, "May I ask why?"

"I would rather you not," I responded, looking at my feet. My shoes were still dirty from Nar Shadaa. I'm sure Blaze wore clean shoes. Perhaps she got Kyle to polish them himself. Oh what was I doing, getting worked up over my shoes?

"I'm afraid I cannot grant your request without a valid reason," Mon Mothma replied.

"Please, I beg you, I can't take this any more," my desperation couldn't be held back.

"What is wrong, Jan," She asked, "You have been working so well with Kyle, why do you wish to change now?"

"I…I don't want to talk about it," I said, looking away.

"Is it something about Kyle?" Mon Mothma asked, "Has he said something to you, done something?"

"No, not really," I said.

"Jan, I would like to know what my operative is bothered by."

"I don't really know what it is," I said.

"Can you be descriptive," She said.

"It's just," I started to say, trying to find adequate words, "It's just…I feel…things when I'm around him."

Mon Mothma raised an eyebrow, "What kind of things?"

"Emotions," I replied, "I didn't even realize it at first, but then when Blaze came I started acted more…angry. I didn't like how he looked at her. I think…I think a part of me, wanted him to look at me."

"Oh, I see," Mon Mothma said.

"Then what do you see, cause I sure as hell can't!" I shouted maybe just a little to loud.

Mon Mothma frowned at my language, but didn't say anything.

"I don't understand," I said in a very small voice.

"Jan, when you are partnered with someone for so long emotions will grow, attachments will form…" Mon Mothma was explaining.

I interrupted, "Sure didn't take to long for Blaze and Kyle."

"Now, Jan," Mon Mothma chided me, "I'm sure this is just your anger. There is nothing…"

"Don't say that," I said sharply. "I consider kissing each other, and bringing it into a bedroom as something."

"Oh dear," Mon Mothma sighed.

I stared at the pattern on the floor, blinking away tears again, "When I saw them…I felt so hurt…betrayed…I thought I was going to be sick."

"You feel betrayed, but have you?" Mon Mothma said, "You have no real claim over him."

"But I was the one who found him! I was the one who showed him that tape about his father! I got him his job! Why can't he see!" I was babbling like an idiot, but the words just burst out.

"He can't see because you didn't tell him," She said calmly, "Obviously Blaze admitted these things to him, and he has returned them."

"I couldn't tell him," I said, "I don't even know what they are."

"You need to learn then," Mon Mothma said, "Look inside and decide for yourself how you feel."

I didn't understand what the heck she just said, but I didn't voice it out loud.

"I refuse to grant your request. You will continue working with Kyle, unless I deem it otherwise, understood?"

I solemnly nodded my head.

Mon Mothma looked at me with sympathy, "It will be alright Jan, things may not be as they appear."

I didn't believe her. I didn't believe anything anymore.

I went back to my own quarters, and lay on my bed. I started thinking back on all of the things with Kyle that had made me feel strange inside. I had held his hand more than once; I remember embracing him after the Death Star was destroyed. The time when Kyle had passed out on Anteevy, and how I had wrapped him in thermal blankets and in my arms. Silent tears slipped down my cheeks. So many memories, so much pain.

I knew the answer then; I guess I had known for a while, but couldn't bring my self to admit it.

I loved him.

Yeah, I love that bastard. Even now, while lying on this bed I still love him.

You know what Kyle, you can have Blaze. If you want her, take her. Maybe I'll wait, maybe I won't. I just want you to know that when you are lying there with her in your arms that there is a woman out there who really does love you. Who would be willing to fight for you if you were captured. Who would be willing to die for you.

I'll tell him, I will. Not because he deserves to know, but so that way he can face the facts. Blaze probably doesn't care for him at all, but the partner he overlooked, and took for granted does. And she always will.

* * *

A/N: Was it as angsty as we think, please review and show your support for Jan and Kyle, lets x off Blaze! 


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